During insomnia, we feel like there is nothing to choose from.
In the beginning we get into the trap of insomnia itself: it decides for us how we are going to behave, how to think or how to feel.
We are compelled to search for a solution asap and try this and that. Anything but not this horrible feeling of being awake… and alone.
Tell a beginning insomniac who doesn’t understand what is happening to him/her to stop trying and let go, and they go like “what are you talking about?!? Of course I have to do something!“
Once we embark upon the journey and realize that insomnia is nothing more but a fear of not sleeping (based on the belief that “being awake at night is bad“) a lot of limitations and anxieties fall apart… and the other limitations and anxieties come in their place…
The “right“ way trap
Once we’ve learned everything about insomnia recovery – acceptance, surrender, awareness, self-kindness, non-pressure – we end up with a sound intellectual understanding on how to work with fear of not sleeping. That’s great, but…
At the same time, a new belief emerges: “if I do everything right, if I accept it right , if I befriend wakefulness in the right way only then will I sleep”.
That desire to make everything right starts to play a trick on us. It makes us not free once again. But now it maybe even more frustrating that in the beginning. Before, at least you didn’t know everything that you know now and slept less, but now it is knowing everything and still not sleeping as good as you’d like to. Does it sound familiar? :)
Well, you aren’t alone. We all have been in the “right way trap”. And if you feel you’ve been stuck on your journey for no apparent reason, you might have got into that trap too.
The thing is – we can’t make sleep happen at will nor can we stop the fear at will. We have no control here! And this is why even the “right“ actions won’t directly make us sleep or be calm. Those who say “I accepted wakefulness but it still didn’t work!! What else can I try??“ know what I’m talking about.
So if the right actions can’t ensure the desired outcome, then there are no wrong actions either! Whatever you do now, however you try to quit the vicious cycle of insomnia – you' aren’t doing it wrong, nor you are doing it right! You are just doing your best. And it is enough.
Be kind and gentle on yourself for walking this path. It’s probably the hardest but eventually, the most rewarding journey in your life – becoming free from fear of insomnia, forever. Getting your life back.
Whatever we do won’t create magic by design, so aren’t we just free to do anything we want and let the magic unfold on its own, whenever that happens? Spend wakefulness at night however we want?
If the idea of “accepting anxiety“ or “sitting with your emotions“ sounds too tiring and you don’t really wanna do that on a certain night, then guess what! We don’t have to do any of that, because acceptance in itself won’t make us sleep.
Acceptance, awareness, self-kindness and other concepts I talk constantly about aren’t what makes sleep happen! But they do facilitate letting go of trying, removing the pressure – it’s like butter that helps the dish cook well. Because once those things are down – nothing stands in the way of sleep.
Ending my today’s rambling with my latest video of 11 (not so) awkward questions about insomnia recovery, in case you haven’t seen it yet:
Take care, pumpkin ❤️ You’ve got this.
Alina
Support me via Patreon
Book a 1-1 session
DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.
This is exactly where I’m at. It’s frustrating and it seems like my recovery is taking so long. So maybe I think I’ve accepted, etc. but not really?