I get this question occasionally:
“When I go to bed I try to remind myself that I am safe, that I can trust my body and it usually makes me calmer. But you say that thoughts can become sleep efforts too. So should I keep those thoughts or try to not think anything at all?”
Basically this is a question about safety thoughts – the nuggets of wisdom that once brought us peace and now we begin to use them to recreate that peace over and over…
My general opinion here is that you don’t need any thoughts to sleep. But I know that the idea of having no thoughts at all seems scary, because it is as if you had no safety net, and it is just you and the fear. It is totally normal to feel that way. And if you have a safety thought, you don’t need to get rid of it!
We need, however, to see the limitation of such thoughts, because once we cross that line, the essence of those thoughts is lost and now we just repeat to ourselves a bunch of sounds that don’t make any sense.
Have you experienced that weird feeling when you keep saying a word and then suddenly it stops making sense. “Tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato… wait, what the hell is a ‘tomato’?“ 😄 And just like with a tomato, you keep using a “I’m safe“ mantra, or anything else, over and over until the meaning gets lost and the mantra “loses its power” – ever happened to you?
Anyway, when we try to think the “right” thoughts and not think the “wrong” ones we usually put a lot of pressure on ourselves. There is no right or wrong when it comes to sleep because sleep is beyond our control. But when we allow ourselves to think about anything that comes to our mind we remove that pressure. With that being said, we don’t have to get rid of the current thoughts and positive statements - I am sure in some moments they can be comforting and nice and we don’t need to take that pleasure away from us.
And as we allow ourselves to think about anything that gives us encouragement, it is also good to remind ourselves that sleep will always come and it will come on its own terms, not on ours!
It is great when we find education around sleep soothing and empowering and I see no reason why we can’t remind ourselves “you are safe”, “there is no threat”, “your body knows what to do, you can trust it” and so on - because these statements are all true! :)
The only tricky thing is when we begin to expect that by thinking a certain thought sleep will come, because it would imply that sleep is in our control – but it is not. But if some piece of knowledge or a fact gives you that peace of mind - it is wonderful! We don’t have to get rid of it.
Just know the limits of each tool and you will become a master of it.
Take care <3
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