"Do nothing" advice isn't always helpful
Hi friend, how are you doing today?
I often hear people going through a difficult time say something like: “I know the answer is to do nothing, but I’m suffering so much every night. I’m tired, scared, and upset, and I want this to be over already.”
Every time I hear someone in deep struggle mention the “do nothing” advice they’re trying to follow, my heart aches for them 💔. I know how hard it is to do nothing when our brain is screaming, “Do something!!” at us. And so, we try to “do nothing,” but it soon turns into “doing something” that just looks passive. We “do nothing” prescriptively – not because it’s our free choice, but because we’ve been told it’s “supposed” to solve our problem.
I remember intentionally trying not to do anything at night and just “sit with anxiety” – and I could spend hours marinating there, seemingly “doing nothing.” In the end, I would break down, either in tears or frustration.
In my work, I try to avoid saying things like “just do nothing.” The reason why “nothing” isn’t the most helpful advice is that it doesn’t always help us get under the fear and truly change things.
Yes, in terms of sleep, not much can be done in the moment, as this process is beyond our control. But there is so much we can do about our attitude, perspective, and response to the situation! Meeting the discomfort is a great opportunity to understand what our brain is actually afraid of, challenge its assumptions, and rethink how we approach wakefulness – there’s plenty we can do to our benefit!
It’s true, though, that there is nothing we need to do for sleep to happen. But fear can twist this simple truth into something else entirely. It’s like telling someone at the very beginning of their journey: “Just stop worrying about sleep!” Who’s going to benefit from that advice? Hardly anyone! There’s a process that needs to unfold for this to become more apparent.
What can be helpful is to approach this with curiosity: “I wonder what really happens if I end up being awake longer than I’d like. What will happen if I stay a bit longer with my anxiety sensations? Will tomorrow really be the worst day ever, or can I question that assumption? Let’s embrace whatever experience the night presents and see what happens.”
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After my recovery, I don’t do anything about my sleep, but that happens as a byproduct of a deeper experiential understanding that nothing terrible will happen if I don’t sleep – not as an “instruction” to do nothing.
That was all for today. Have a wonderful day!
Alina
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