Don't do it for recovery, do it for yourself

I wanted to share something that’s been on my mind lately. It's about a subtle trap I think we might fall into at times: making our day-to-day decisions just to succeed in recovery.

At first glance, it seems totally reasonable, right? We start this process to free ourselves from the fear of insomnia, and there's definitely work to be done. But, as we know, our minds can be pretty sneaky.

Trying to control recovery

Imagine someone really motivated to overcome the fear of sleeplessness and ready to put in the work. That’s awesome!

But then, they start trying to optimize everything. They look for ways to increase their chances of success, perfect the principles, avoid mistakes, and find shortcuts.

After a while, they might notice that despite all their hard work, nothing seems to be changing.

And then they start wondering:

“What's going on? Why isn’t there any progress? Does this even work?”

Or

“Maybe I need more structure since I’ve been pretty relaxed about my wake-up time. Could that be stalling my recovery?”

“Maybe I need to be more consistent with my routines. Maybe I should get even better at acceptance. Maybe I need to face my fears more often.”

What happens a lot is that we end up making recovery the center of our lives. Instead of living our lives despite insomnia, we're trying to control our recovery.

It's not bad to ask, "Is what I’m doing right now helping my recovery?" from time to time. But if we start overthinking every single decision, it might be our brain trying to win the battle: "What can I do to make my recovery succeed (so I can finally beat this insomnia)?"

This mindset is understandable and valid, but it also means we still see insomnia as an enemy to fight. “Why do I want to recover?” 👉 “To kick this awful thing’s ass!”

True recovery isn’t about defeating an enemy. It's about realizing there isn’t an enemy in the first place.

When we view every step as "Will this help me succeed in recovery?" we need to be careful of that sneaky "enemy" notion.

You know how our survival instincts kick in when we sense a threat? If we perceive an enemy on the horizon, our defenses go up, and we get anxious and fearful, staying alert.

Well, it’s kind of the same when we start seeing not sleeping as an enemy. That fear just keeps us more awake. This is why showing ourselves that there is no enemy to fight breaks the cycle; trying to fight the enemy only keeps the cycle going.

A different perspective

What if, instead of trying to control the recovery process, we start doing things for ourselves regardless of how that process goes? For example:

• Doing it for recovery: "I think I should stick to a regular wake-up time. Maybe it will help me recover faster."
  Doing it for myself: "I want to stick to a regular wake-up time because I’m tired of dwelling on my nights and worrying about sleep. I've always wanted some structure in my life, and now seems like the right time."

• Doing it for recovery: "I'll face one fear a day to get over them quicker."

  Doing it for myself: "I’m fed up with missing out on life’s opportunities. My brain doesn’t like doing new things or making plans while dealing with insomnia, and that’s fine. But I'd rather feel the fear than miss out on life. Enough is enough!"

• Doing it for recovery: "I’m going to embrace staying awake all night to show myself I’m not afraid of all-nighters so that they stop happening."

  Doing it for myself: "I'll accept the possibility of a sleepless night. If I fall asleep, great. If not, I'll use it as a chance to learn that I’m safe."

Even if our decision stays the same, this subtle shift in how we think can make a huge difference in the direction we are heading.

Hope this resonates with you!

See you next time!

Ali