It's about receiving the signal

Hi there! It’s been a while since my last letter ❤️ I took some time off to enjoy the last month of summer. I hope you’ve been doing well too.

Today, I thought I’d share some personal insights that I keep in mind when interacting with others, especially when it comes to anxiety and insomnia.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed with all the information out there. We experience anxiety and anxious thoughts that keep us awake and wired, yet despite our best efforts, we can’t seem to break free from them. We try everything we can think of: letting thoughts be, sitting with discomfort, talking to our anxiety, practicing mindfulness, distracting ourselves with activities – but nothing seems to truly get to the root of the fear.

If this situation sounds familiar – and it’s quite common on the recovery journey – then let’s revisit the basics of anxiety and anxious thoughts today.

I want to be clear that this is just my perspective, but it’s one that has helped me recalibrate my understanding many times.

The basics

Let’s start with the idea that our emotions and the thoughts that accompany them are our brain’s way of communicating with us. They act as signals trying to get our attention. When we feel joy, it’s as if the brain is saying, “Get more of that!” When we feel fear, the brain says, “Stay away from that!”

So, emotion = signal. The emotion itself isn’t the problem. We’re designed to experience a full range of them. The problem arises when we start thinking of the emotion as the problem, and that’s where suffering begins.

Our brain doesn’t really distinguish between an immediate physical threat and a perceived one, so it sends the same signal as if we were facing a bear on a hike. Essentially, our brain means well by sending us the fear signal – it genuinely believes we need to be saved.

The object of fear can vary, but the mechanism is the same. Some people develop a fear of heights; others develop a fear of not sleeping.

Often, in addition to our primary fear, we start to fear the signal itself, which leads to ongoing anxiety. We become afraid of being afraid. This is very common on the journey.

Typically, in that situation, we try to calm ourselves. In other words, we try to get rid of the signal. But has that ever really worked?

What helps in regaining clarity is to remind ourselves that whatever signal the brain is trying to send, it will keep sending it until we are willing to receive it. Techniques like breath work, meditation, and mantras might have a temporary effect, but unless the signal is fully acknowledged, it will keep bugging us.

So, the key to overcoming anxiety and fear is to receive the signal. To let the brain know that we hear its concerns, understand its perspective, and then patiently (and kindly to ourselves) begin to introduce another perspective where we are safe.

I believe that understanding this is the foundation of any practice we might engage in. I won’t list all the possible techniques and approaches because there are so many, but when we understand this underlying mechanism, any approach can benefit us greatly.

Some ideas on how to “receive the signal”

We don’t want to get rid of anxiety; instead, we want to make it feel heard and acknowledged. We don’t have to believe the fear because virtually every time, it has nothing to do with our immediate physical safety.

But it’s still valuable to start validating the part of us that is scared. Give it more compassion and kindness, as if it were someone we love. We might even start using kind self-talk to acknowledge how we feel: “There is a part of me that feels scared right now. This part isn’t my enemy; it wants to be heard and loved, just like I want to be heard and loved. Even though I don’t enjoy this feeling, I’m going to give it as much compassion as I can.”

We might also ask ourselves, “What am I actually afraid of here?” That part of us might reveal something like, “I’m afraid that I can’t enjoy my life anymore if I keep having this problem. I might not sleep another night. I might feel exhausted the next day.”

Sometimes it helps to investigate the fearful scenario itself. We might find, after a deeper look, that it’s not as catastrophic as we originally thought. For example, “I might be going through a rough patch at the moment and might not enjoy 100% of this time, but I can still do things that I find meaningful, and things can change for the better at any time.” Or, “You’re right, brain. I might not sleep well tonight, and I might feel tired and anxious tomorrow, but even if that happens, I’m going to get through it somehow. I’ve been there before, and I got through it – I can do it again.”

Notice how we aren’t running away from the feeling; we’re actually facing it. We’re getting to know it. The feeling might still be there – most likely, it’s not going to go away instantly. But the more our attitude toward it changes, the sooner our experience of it changes too.

I hope this was helpful ❤️

Sending you lots of love, and see you next time!

Ali