On nighttime activities when you can't sleep
Hello there,
this is a more-on-a-practical-side letter where I will try to help you better understand how to spend time at night when sleep doesn’t come.
Here are a few bottom lines I want to point out:
a) the actual activities don’t matter, our intentions behind them are what make the whole difference.
b) when we try to distract our mind intentionally with any activity, oftentimes we find ourselves thinking more about sleep.
Having said that, let’s view nighttime activities as a way to feel comfy and non-pressured, rather than a way to avoid unpleasant emotions.
You might not realize this, but during the night you have absolute freedom. There are no right or wrong activities, because no activity is going to change the way sleep works.
If it makes sense to watch something on the couch - why not do that? But if we think that “hm, I can’t sleep but I don’t want to be on the couch, I’d rather be lying in bed” - then maybe going to bed and providing yourself comfort is what you actually need.
I find that asking yourself a question “What is it that I wish I could do (or not do) at this moment?” and listening to what your body tells you can actually help define your direction. Sometimes the answer might surprise you. Maybe you have no energy and don’t feel like doing anything fun, so instead of watching Netflix, you decide to just sit with your real feelings and do nothing.
And you can change your mind at any point. Remember: you have freedom to choose. That means that if you now slightly lean towards the idea of watching TV but then 2 minutes later conclude: “meh, I don’t like it“ – you can change that decision and choose another thing that feels less pressuring. You don’t have to stick with one activity thought the night.
Another point is that when we validate our real emotions during the night, things go a bit easier. Instead of trying hard to have fun, while inside you feel sadness - maybe providing a space for that sadness to be can actually reduce the pressure. And when we aren’t pressured, it is easier to let go of control.
🙏
⭐️ What’s new
Since our last letter, I’ve published two videos that you mind find helpful:
I’ve also written a blog post about the true role of sleep coaching in the recovery process:
And I was asked about how much time did it take me to overcome insomnia. Here’s my reply:
See you next week!
Ali