*From my coaching notes*
As we get more advanced, the more frustrating speedbumps get.
We feel like after we've been through a lot and started sleeping better, we aren't supposed to "go back". That's a normal desire – insomnia is so tiring! But paradoxically, that belief "I must never go back to the way it was" plays an evil joke on us.
The fact that we find ourselves in a speedbump, doesn't mean that we’ve regressed - not at all! If anything, it's a sign of moving forward on to the next "levels".
Once I’ve shared a video game analogy and will do it again. The first levels tend to be pretty easy: we learn a lot about what insomnia really is, it's easy to identify major sleep efforts, etc - and we start to feel better.
But as we progress, the levels get more difficult: the residual fear starts hiding deeper, sleep efforts get barely noticeable and that's is challenging for anyone!
Whatever speedbump we go through, it always sheds some light on the residual hidden fear that hasn't been looked at yet. Sooner or later it had to expose itself anyway! So we can look at a speedbump as an invitation to proceed to the next levels…
Level 1: “What if I don’t sleep tonight?“
Level 2: “What if I feel tired tomorrow?“
Level 3: “What if insomnia impacts my looks?“—You’re here—
Level 4: “What if a speedbump will happen after I recover?“
Level …
The common fear at the end of the journey is the one where “insomnia returns” out of blue. I had it too.
It happened to me after 4 months of perfect sleep and what a frustration it was! After we begin to sleep better, if there is the underlying fear of insomnia coming back, the fear might be waiting for the right time to show up - sometimes it can come sooner and sometimes later.
So let's look at the fear of insomnia coming back or fear of having speedbumps in the future.
It is sure unpleasant because we all want to sleep well. But the only reason why speedbumps would occur is because of the belief that having speedbumps per se is bad.
So as strange as it sounds, the more we are okay with going through speedbumps (at any moment in future) the more at peace we feel. And once that happens, speedbumps cease to exist!
Recovery isn't about ensuring you never have speedbumps - we can't ensure that as we have 0 control over our sleep. But it is about becoming okay with anything what the future nights might bring. That’s when speedbumps stop happening.
That willingness to embrace future speedbumps can be heavily accompanied with self-compassion: without treating ourselves gently and kindly on hard days it's difficult to accept speedbumps.
Remember, even if there is nothing we can do to make sleep happen or prevent speedbumps, we have freedom to feel, think or act however we want.
It's okay to not like anxiety or being awake at night, just like we don't enjoy bad weather. When the weather is bad, we can’t do much about it, but we are still free to respond to it however we want - put on some warm clothes, take umbrella and go outside or stay inside.
Cheers,
Alina
DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.