I know it’s been hard. And heartbreaking and hopeless and so, so disappointing. The journey of quitting the insomnia’s vicious cycle is not easy at all.
The rollercoaster of having glimpses of getting better and then feeling shitty and worried again is beyond tiring. At some point we get suspicious of the good stretches. We feel like insomnia will strike at any moment and we might feel worried even after we sleep well.
I have immense compassion and respect for everyone who is on this path right now. And while I can’t possibly write or say anything that will take this struggle away at once and for everyone, I can share one principle that was keeping me going when things were shitty.
Take this journey one night at a time. Not more. Just one night. We can zoom in even more, and take it one hour at a time, or one minute at a time. Depends on how intense the struggle is.
You know where the journey ultimately takes us? In my experience, it leads to completely transforming our relationship with wakefulness and with sleep in general. We aren’t scared of losing sleep and we don’t associate wakefulness with suffering anymore. Rather, we just see wakefulness at night as a time resource and that’s all. This is when wakefulness starts happening less and less.
But to get from the place of dread to the place of absolute zen is a huge process. If you try to make it all at once, you’ll get demotivated pretty soon.
That’s when one-night-at-a-time principle can be immense help.
While we can't forbid ourselves from feeling anxiety, or being awake at night (as we can't fall asleep on command), we can, however, use those moments as an opportunity to show that what the brain fears isn't actually as catastrophic as it paints it.
We start by seeing how we can change our response to one night at a time. One night only – that's enough to move on this journey. If you can get yourself at least 1% more open to a bumpy night or 1% less self-critical or 1% more self-caring, that's already a progress. Don’t set ambitious goals, tiny baby steps is what actually gets us there.
Because our slightly new response to wakefulness creates a slightly new memory, where we happen to have a sleepless night, but it isn't as bad as we thought it would be. That new memory already starts to slowly transform our relationship with wakefulness, leading us out of this vicious cycle.
Yes! To treat my insomnia, I found an therapist specializing in anxiety disorders, and we basically did a slow baby step exposure therapy protocol. I had a lol of rigid routines and safety behaviors around sleep, and doing a fast 4 week CBT program and letting go of them all at once felt like too much.
I feel treating insomnia with exposure therapy should be more common practice!