Recovery is a decision? 🤔 (Following the North Star)

I felt very compelled to write this letter today. This is something I haven’t shared before — at least not this clearly — and the realization has only recently hit me. I’ll try to explain it as clearly as I can.

Looking back at the start of my journey, there’s one thing I see now that made all the difference. Whether consciously or unconsciously, a firm decision was made: “I don’t wish to live in fear anymore, I’m going to change things”.

Before I got to the root of my insomnia, I spent my days and nights trapped in fear, sleep effort, and an incredibly dark mindset. I constantly googled remedies and tricks to avoid wakefulness. But as I began to understand that my insomnia wasn’t caused by something external, but by how I thought and reacted to sleep and wakefulness, I experienced a mental shift. There came a period when one thing became crystal clear: I no longer wanted to live in this fear. I didn’t care what it would take — I knew I had to move toward peace and effortlessness, no longer letting fear guide me. It was like finding a North Star, as Daniel Erichsen describes it.

From that point on, I made a decision to cut myself off from anything that pulled me away from that North Star. My own ways of thinking and responding were fuelling the tug-of-war I was stuck in, and I knew I had to change that. I began separating myself from anything — ideas, resources, or people — that convinced me insomnia cannot be overcome, that nothing could be changed, or that the solution was outside of myself.

One of the first things I instinctively did was stop exposing myself to fear-mongering content. I stopped giving attention to materials that tried to convince me I needed to “get sleep under control” or that not sleeping “enough” was catastrophic. I knew those ideas weren’t helping me move toward peace and effortlessness. In fact, they only reinforced the old behaviors and thoughts I was determined to change.

Whenever I came across an article that started with useless statistics about how many people struggle with insomnia worldwide or emphasized how vital sleeping 8 hours is for health, I would immediately stop reading. To me, these messages didn’t help; they just reinforced the old way of seeing things.

I realized that if an author began with fear-mongering, they either (a) were trying to sell me something — like a mattress or supplement — by convincing me the solution was external, or (b) didn’t truly understand insomnia enough to help.

Doing less, and letting go of the endless “fix-it” approach, felt truer to me than any quick hack or a sleep product.

The same principle applied to the people I listened to. I quickly realized that communities like Reddit weren’t serving me. At the time (and I don’t know if this has changed), it was a place filled with desperation, fear, and repetitive, unhelpful ideas. It became clear to me: my long-term vision isn’t in that community, so I stopped hanging out there.

Instead, I began gravitating toward resources and voices that supported my North Star — ones that reinforced the idea that change was possible. I surrounded myself with people who shared the mindset I was working to cultivate.

This didn’t make recovery easier, but it made it possible. Cutting out unhelpful voices didn’t mean I stopped feeling fear, frustration, or discouragement. I still had periods of hopelessness and doubt. I still got stuck from time to time. But by staying aligned with what felt like a true freedom, I kept going.

If what I’m saying resonates deeply with you, consider this: surround yourself with people, ideas, and resources that align with the life you’re working toward. And just as importantly, be willing to ignore those that don’t. This doesn’t mean you’ll never encounter negativity, but it’s about deciding that their way isn’t your way.

Over the years, I’ve occasionally seen comments pushing back on the ideas of doing less and changing the way we perceive wakefulness, insisting change isn’t possible that way. Most of these people, if not all, were (and possibly are) still stuck in fixation on sleep. How can they teach us about change if they haven’t experienced it themselves? The decision to stop listening to voices that pulled me away from my vision was one of the best choices I made.

Instead, I chose to surround myself with ideas that reinforced the possibility of peace and effortlessness. And this doesn’t have to cost anything. It’s not about paying for coaching or specific programs (though those can help, they aren’t a must — it’s all within you already). It’s about consistently exposing yourself to supportive and empowering perspectives.

Even people who haven’t experienced insomnia can provide valuable insights. For example, my husband, who’s never struggled with sleep, became an unexpected role model for me. His natural, unattached responses to occasional poor sleep inspired me to change how I reacted to my own nights. Watching how he lived by principles of non-attachment gave me confidence: if he could respond this way, why couldn’t I?

On calls, I sometimes hear people say something that gives me goosebumps: “Now I see insomnia so clearly. I know I can break free, and I don’t care how long it takes — I know it’s possible.” Every time I hear this, I know they’re going to do well. That’s the driving force for recovery — everything else will follow!

So my hope with these letters, posts, and videos isn’t to tell people exactly what to do, but to show them that a new perspective is possible to adopt. Once they see that, everything else can start to change.

See you next time!

Alina

sleepcoach.sk