Thoughts on "full recovery"
Hello, friend! ☀️
Today I want to answer to the question I’m often asked: “I often feel “fully recovered”, only to hit a setback again. What is full recovery then?” Let me share my thoughts which come from my direct experience and from witnessing journeys of others.
This letter was released last week to the members of the Fearless Sleep Library. If you would like to be among the first ones to receive these and access other content and connect, you are more than welcome to join the Library.
“Full recovery” – or as I prefer to call it robust, or mature, recovery – is a long and non-linear process. During it, people can go from feeling “recovered”, to feeling like they’re “back at square one”, and then back to feeling better again.
This might be uncomfortable to read if you’re in the middle of a tough period – but I want to be real with you, because full insomnia recovery is a long game and I think it’s worth knowing what that actually looks like.
In the process, we are likely to have a few “full recovery” feelings, which might not be actual robust recoveries yet. But on the flip side, intermediary “square ones” aren’t actual square ones either. It’s a continuous and very dynamic process.
That’s why I don’t judge recovery just by how someone is sleeping – but by how they relate to any outcome of the night. To me, sleep is a mere side effect of the change that’s happening slowly underneath.
So when someone says “I’m sleeping great, I just hope it lasts” – to me that usually means they’re on the way, but recovery isn’t fully settled yet.
This very human desire “I just hope it lasts” often reveals a subtle plea of “please, don’t get bad again 🙏” which inadvertently gets us in the defensive position where we feel the need to protect the title “recovered”. If you find yourself here, don’t beat yourself up – that’s a normal phase in the recovery process. Everyone goes through this period, I did too.
A more robust recovery sounds more like: “I’m sleeping okay right now – and if I don’t sleep well tonight/next week/any time in the future… oh well!”
It’s when the title “recovered” is no longer relevant and there’s no more need to protect it – that’s freedom.
Recovery isn’t just a state of sleep, it’s a state of mind. It’s the knowing you’re going to handle whatever night(s) there are. To get there, we might not fully avoid frustration from setbacks – but we can make it easier on ourselves by treating it like a long game rather than a blitzkrieg.
Keep on going 💪❤️
Ali
Thank you for this. After some struggles, I actually had a full week stretch of really good sleep, and then last night I had trouble again. I wouldn't say I felt scared, but kind of like a failure for breaking my streak. Your article helps to give me greater perspective. Truth be told, even though I didn't get the greatest sleep last night, today was not a total disaster. In fact, I hardly noticed it at all. Having these types of experiences helps to give me more peace of mind and reduce the pressure which I think was driving the insomnia in the first place.
Poor sleep changes how effort feels long before people realize what’s happening.