To tell or not to tell
Hi friend,
The topic of this newsletter was inspired by one of my long-term supporters (thank you, Sarah!).
People with insomnia eventually face a tough decision: to tell others about their insomnia or not. On my personal journey I can remember so many concerns:
- What if I tell people about my sleep struggles and will forever be seen as the one with insomnia?
- What if they will keep asking me about my sleep?
- But I also want to share this with someone, I feel so alone!
- What if this affects my partner and our relationship?
It is true that while insomnia is experienced individually, we aren’t living in a bubble. We have friends, family, colleagues - and one way or another, sleep topic may pop up. And oftentimes we are torn between contradicting choices: to tell with the risk of being reminded of it in the future or not to tell and keep it a “secret“ from everyone.
I don’t have one perfect definite answer, but I want to offer my understanding of the issue that might give you some sense of direction.
As we remove the mystery and illusions from insomnia experience (i.e. education), we begin to see that we are still normal human beings – we always were and will always be. We see that sleep comes not because we do something but because our body knows how to do its job. Temporarily, there is a learned hyperarousal response that makes sleep elusive, but behind that – our unbroken ability to sleep. We see that the night can take so many forms and all of them are normal and allowed too!
Once we realize that insomnia is based on nothing but fears, that in itself it has no essence – what importance does it have to tell or to not tell someone?
My idea here is that when we lower the importance of such an event as telling someone about our history of insomnia, we are now free to do it however we want or to not do it at all.
Whatever you have learned throughout this journey will be yours for good, in spite of telling or not telling others. It makes no difference – all you know is that your body knows how to sleep, the brain is plastic and can change its learned responses, and you are going to be alright in spite of how the night goes.
From the personal experience I know that when we treat insomnia as nothing unusual or special, it has no power over us.
With that awareness, we feel free to choose. And that freedom returns us the feeling of normalcy.
If keeping your insomnia story to yourself feels limiting, as if you are hiding something, then think if sharing it with someone would bring back that feeling of normalcy.
If you feel like insomnia really doesn’t deserve to be talked about and you feel like there is much more to life than insomnia, then are we are actually obliged to disclose it to everyone?
See for yourself what feels natural, what makes you feel normal and safe. Maybe sometimes we find that it makes sense to share, other times - we don’t see the need in that. Just know that you have control regarding with whom to share, when and to what extent.
By default, you don’t owe anyone any explanations.
Cheers,
Ali
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DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.