Why we are sensitive to sounds during insomnia
Hi there ❤️
Before I get to the topic, let me quickly share with you two new videos I recorded with different guests: Coach Veronika and Coach Michelle. These are two profound and engaging discussions that might be helpful for those navigating the path to insomnia recovery.
In “Prenatal and postpartum insomnia“ episode, Coach Veronika kindly shares her own experience of dealing with insomnia while raising two children. This episode could be beneficial for both mothers and fathers, as well as for people who are considering having children but are concerned about insomnia.
In the episode “Life after insomnia”, Coach Michelle and I discuss how to handle residual experiences towards the end of recovery. We address the most common "surprises" and what to expect when you reach that stage. While the title might suggest it's intended for those who have overcome insomnia, I believe it will also be helpful for those in the middle of the process—those who already understand the "theory" and are now in the "experience" phase.
Now, let's return to the main topic of this letter!
Do you find yourself at night constantly checking your surroundings for any possible sound? The snore of a partner, neighbors' footsteps, birds chirping outside, cars driving on the street—sound sensitivity is incredibly common during insomnia and is understandably an annoying experience.
Why are we fixated on sounds?
Let's start with the basics. Insomnia, as I see it, is the fear of not sleeping. The brain has learned to view nighttime wakefulness as a threat and is now trying to protect us from it by launching a fight or flight response, consequently making sleep elusive.
So, when we are afraid of sleeplessness, anything that might cause it is viewed as a threat. Sounds, known for occasionally waking us up, may cause the brain to heighten its senses to be on the lookout for them.
Ironically, the mere act of attuning to the sounds is what keeps us awake. We are painfully waiting and dreading the sound; in that moment, sleep becomes very challenging. Once we hear that sound, our body might instantly respond with a wave of anxiety, which, again, makes us more awake and alert.
How to desensitize ourselves to sounds
The more we resist the idea of being awake at night, the more sensitive we are to sounds and other disruptions. It's understandable, considering some unfortunate experiences we've had with not being able to sleep. However, it is possible to desensitize ourselves to sounds and no longer be afraid of them.
The way to do this is paradoxical, like everything else on this journey—by being open to hearing any sound at night, even if it means facing wakefulness and anxiety head-on.
At first, it's going to be uncomfortable, and we will want to run away from it as from fire. But the more we are willing to face and be with this, the easier each next encounter gets.
Because there is also often an emotional reaction that follows the sound, such as a wave of anxiety, that too needs to be embraced and accepted. When we notice our brain getting tense about hearing a sound, we can let it happen and "dive" into any sensation that comes with it.
I’ll give you my example. For a long time, I was bothered by the sound of the first trams of the day. Typically, if I heard them, it meant another sleepless night. I would spend the whole night dreading hearing that awful sound, which back then represented another failed night. Each time I heard it, my body would go through a surge of adrenaline, my heart would start pounding so fast, I could “hear” it in my throat, and I would start sobbing from despair.
As recovery went on, I still found the sound bothersome, though not to the same extent. I thought I would never stop paying attention to it. The sound itself was very faint and, before insomnia, I rarely paid any attention to it, but during insomnia, I was on the lookout for it.
Things changed when I finally decided to embrace hearing that sound. But not just that; I also embraced the adrenaline surge that came in response to that sound. “Bring it on!” was my mindset. Each time I heard it, I was expecting it with an open heart and mind. "Do your worst!"
Interestingly, with every encounter, the intensity of my reaction slightly faded. It didn’t disappear instantly, but I noticed the growing change. Over time, I wasn’t just unbothered by them; I stopped even noticing them. The fear was gone—not because I escaped the sound, but because I was willing to face it and sit with it.
In conclusion
Our task is not to avoid hearing a sound or to avoid getting an anxious response to that sound, but to show ourselves that both the sound and the reaction are safe to experience and that we are alright while they happen. Don’t expect instant results when embracing that; give it time. Just like when you enter cold water—it will take time for the body to adjust to the water's temperature.
I hope you found this letter helpful ❤️. If you did, please give this post a like or a comment, share it with someone who might benefit from it too, and stay tuned for more insights!
Take care ❤️
Ali