A mindset that can save sanity

Hi there,

I want to share a mindset that has profoundly benefitted not only my insomnia recovery (after making a bunch of mistakes) but also my overall life (this part is still work-in-progress 😛).

During insomnia, we often fall into black-and-white thinking. We hold rigid and definitive opinions about how things are and should be.

For example:

• "Not sleeping at night is horrible. No one should ever experience it!"

• "Everyone must get at least 8 hours of sleep every night to function properly."

• "Sleep medications are evil. The devil himself must have created them."

• "Naps are terrible for insomnia. Stop napping immediately."

• "CBTi is the only solution. Everything else is rubbish!"

• "CBTi is the worst solution. No one should try it!"

As I navigated my insomnia recovery, I, too, held rigid opinions about things, and it made me miserable. It gave me no room to grow and learn.

Our brain craves certainty and simplicity, which is understandable. We want to know the one true approach that will end our suffering. But in our search, we're bombarded with different ideas and schools of thought, making it hard to know which one is right for us.

This often leads to internal conflicts: Should I take sleeping aids or not? Should I try CBTi or not? Should I avoid naps or not? Should I accept insomnia or not?

What I learned from my journey is not to hold any opinion too tightly. Things are neither inherently good nor bad; they just are. We give them labels based on our life goals and what we believe to be true.

If I summarize the mindset in one sentence, it’s going to sound something like:

Don't glorify things, but don't demonize them either.

In your insomnia recovery, you'll encounter different viewpoints. Some you might agree with, and others might not resonate at all. Some things may be useful to you now, others later, or maybe never – and that's okay.

For example, some people find the idea of befriending wakefulness helpful and empowering right away. That's great! Others might meet it with skepticism, and that's understandable too.

But if we rigidly view wakefulness as evil and only evil, it will keep bringing us a lot of emotional suffering. By adopting a new flexible mindset, we don't glorify wakefulness and we aren’t trying to persuade ourselves that not sleeping is good. But we also stop demonizing it. We recognize that wakefulness is something that may happen to anyone at night. We're willing to accept that reality and learn to work with it to the best of our ability.

Let's look at other examples:

👉 Sleep medication is a common dilemma. If we see it as pure evil, we'll face many conflicting thoughts and pressure. One part of us may crave it, while another part hates us for it. By viewing sleep aids as neither inherently good nor bad, but simply a tool we can choose to use or not (and, as always, speak with a doctor about it!), we release some tension and can make a more informed decision. Even if we end up using sleep aids, we won't blame or criticize ourselves.

👉 CBTi is another subject of heated debates. While I see its limitations, I don't think it's purely vicious. It has its pros and cons to me, and some people find it very helpful, which is valid. I also don't glorify it, as I see other alternatives.

👉 Napping is another area with strong opinions. In my view, napping is not good or bad; it is allowed but not obligatory. If we want to nap and can, great. If not, no big deal. Rest is still an option.

So, let's examine our perspectives and see if some aren't a bit too rigid and uncompromising. These areas are likely where most of our emotional struggle lies.

If we're willing, we can loosen these perspectives and make them more about preference rather than insistence.

That was all from me today! See you next time!