Allow yourself to be vulnerable
I can’t believe how effective that simple principle is. Effective not in the way: “I'll do this and will get what I want“, but in the way “Omg, I feel so strangely relieved“.
Being vulnerable is what our survival-obsessed brain doesn’t get. And it can’t because its primary function is to be on watch and react with fight, flight or freeze when a threat appears on the horizon.
So our safety system understands world in the terms “safe/not safe”. Vulnerability is a concept beyond that domain, and that’s why being vulnerable feels super counterintuitive.
Being vulnerable means to open up instead of shutting down. It means being ridiculously honest with yourself. Not hiding, not pretending. If you don’t like something, vulnerability allows you to be okay with not liking. If you feel scared and confused, vulnerability validates these states. If you are jealous, vulnerability grants you the right to feel jealousy.
Vulnerability helps you become not a victim to but the legitimate owner of all the experiences that happen. It’s an antidote to self-judgement and criticism that often holds us back.
But also, vulnerability opens a new depth of experience. At first there is going to be resistance from the mind which can be felt in body too: “What do you mean I am allowed to be angry? I’m not that kind of person, people know me as a positive guy! I should not get bothered by this!“. But once you pass this layer of discomfort and allow yourself to be that kind of person too, suddenly, you might feel some strange liberation in validating the sides of you that aren’t pretty…
I often see this in people who have strong sense of identity in themselves: “I’m a tough person, I can’t complain about this“, “I was always so positive, being sad is so not me…“, “I never had problems with anxiety, why is it so hard for me to stop being anxious now?“. And there is nothing wrong about having that kind of identity. But if deep inside there is also something that contradicts that identity, then we can’t just brush it off. It’s already there. And if it is already there, then it’s already a part of our being too.
Vulnerability helps us validate that suppressed stuff that’s going on in the back of our minds, bring it to the surface of awareness and see it for what it is. Only then can it leave us alone.
What I found for myself is that being vulnerable helps me be okay with who I am and what is happening around me. It removes so much pressure! Paradoxically, that “okayness” translates into feeling safe – now that is the language the safety-seeking brain understands.
Cheers,
Alina
DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.