Not all efforts are bad
One of the typical questions I get is something like this:
“I understand the concept of not trying to sleep and letting go of problem-solving. But does that mean that reading books and watching content on insomnia recovery is an effort in itself that I must give up? Should I just do nothing?“
First of all, it is a totally logical and understandable question. I had it too. Second of all, no, this isn’t about doing absolutely nothing.
The paradox of recovery is that while it is true that sleep efforts perpetuate insomnia, some amount of effort is needed to get ourselves out of that paradox.
Looking back at my journey, I can’t say that I didn’t do any effort to get where I am right now. It was a colossal work, often frustrating and disheartening. Not nothing.
So, to make this confusion a bit less strong or even eliminate it completely, I want to share with you a classification of efforts that I came up with a while ago.
Effort to escape vs effort to understand
Obviously, since you are reading this newsletter regularly (thank you, by the way, for that ❤️) there is probably something that you want to address in yourself. If you didn’t have insomnia and sleep anxiety, I don’t think our paths would cross. But here we are, sharing and exchanging these insights to finally break free from this suffering. And that is a worthy desire.
There is work to be done. There are fears to be met, beliefs to question, behaviours to choose, education to absorb. Sitting and physically doing noting, not looking at the problem, is avoidance and it solves nothing.
But not all efforts are the same. So let’s start with the effort we know the most.
Effort to escape is a very familiar and most common reaction when we face discomfort. Being survival machines, our brains are wired to seek safety and try to get things under control when they perceive a threat. So the true idea behind such effort is to get as far away as possible from the source of a perceived threat – to fight it, to get rid of it, to hide from it.
Such efforts are natural. We don’t have to demonize them or declare war on them.
Side note:
Sleep efforts (efforts to escape) are not here to be fought with but to be seen through.
E.g. When I know that the mantra “I’m safe, sleep will come“ doesn’t directly create sleep, I can then choose to whether or not I want to keep doing that. My decision, in that case, will be informed as opposed to clinging on to it out of desperation. Learning to identify such efforts allows us to get sense of agency - I can still do the thing, but I am not having any illusions that it will create sleep. I just do it because I feel like doing it. Or I don’t do it because it doesn’t make any sense. Either way, it is now my choice.
Effort to understand, on the other hand, is about moving towards the source of fear. We want to look into it, get in touch with it, see it for what it is, see how we can co-exist.
This is why some people find visiting doctors liberating. Before they do that, there might be this strong fear of the unknown, but once they actually address it and talk about it, they may find that it gets easier to be around it.
Education provides a great opportunity to get in touch with topic of fear and demystify it. In itself, education doesn’t do miracles, it is just a bunch of facts. But if education makes it easier for you to face wakefulness and whatever feelings that you might have – it can be your powerful ally.
This applies to any teachings, concepts, methods, books, courses that you might resonate with but aren’t sure whether you use them as a sleep effort. Ask yourself: does this work makes it easier and more comfortable for me to meet wakefulness? Does it empower me to feel my emotions? Does it give me courage and motivation to do that? If the answer is yes, then why not to use that support?
Hope this letter resonated with you ❤️
Take care,
Ali