On hopeful expectations and setbacks after
Hi friend, today I wanted to share with you an extract from my coaching notes in hopes that someone can find peace after reading it.
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As we begin to learn more about insomnia, anxiety and sleep in general, we begin to feel more confidence. Things aren’t looking as scary as they did before education work but then there is a moment which everyone goes through – the expectation of improvement. There is no doubt that it is possible to leave the whole insomnia story behind and get your old sleep back. However, expectation is what plays tricks on us making the journey longer.
Somehow expectations are often followed by a “what-if” thought.
Me: I feel really hopeful that with all that information on how to work with anxiety, I’m gonna do better!
Brain: Yeah…but what if it doesn’t work out despite that?
I find it helpful to see these thinking patterns for what they are, without trying to get rid of them.
Anxious “what-if” thoughts are part of our brain’s natural safety mechanism and it’s not realistic to make them go away in a moment. These thoughts that create expectations of sleep are 100% automatic.
They come automatically and they leave automatically! Think about the times when you caught yourself not thinking about sleep: did you notice when that switch between “thinking” to “not thinking” happened? I bet you didn’t, because no one is aware of the moment when sleep thoughts leave us alone. That happens on its own. We literally need to do nothing to make them go away. But when we begin to concentrate on removing these thoughts we only find ourselves thinking about how to remove sleep thoughts – thus still thinking about it!
Sleep thoughts leave on their own, the moment when the brain stops perceiving that you and your sleep are in danger. Of course, in regards to insomnia, we are always safe, but our brains don’t know that yet! And as paradoxical as it sounds, if we want sleep thoughts to leave us alone, we need to leave them alone first.
Just acknowledge that they are there, remind yourself where they come from and that you are safe – whether we are worried or not. For example, it can look like this: “I know that my brain is expecting a good night and gets hypervigilant. That’s okay. It just wants to keep me safe, but I know that I’m already safe. I will let my brain do its job, it can send as many thoughts as it wants, I’m going to be alright.”
So as a result, we aren’t fighting with our thoughts but rather gently bringing our attention on the reality that we are indeed safe.
Cheers,
Ali ❤️
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DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.