Sudden wakefulness from anxiety "wave"
Hi friend,
Today I was replying to one of my clients who asked me about sudden anxiety rushes that happen as we fall asleep, and I thought I would share my thoughts on this with you too.
Feeling the anxiety wave as we are about to fall asleep or as we are sleeping is a very common experience during insomnia (I had it too). And to understand how to work with it we need to understand why it happens in the first place.
Let’s start with the basics. Insomnia, being a fear of sleeplessness, teaches us to be vigilant to any sign of possible sleep disruption. So when we go to bed, we can unintentionally start to monitor how we are doing, whether sleep is happening or not or whether there is anything that can wake us up.
Such attention increases hyperarousal and that's why when the brain registers that we are ready to sleep or sleeping already, it can trigger a warning: "be careful, don't mess this up!" Ironically, that wave of realization wakes us up. So the fear of our sleep being disrupted actually disrupts our sleep.
But that's nothing unusual, because that's what the brain is design to do, for anyone.
Let’s use an analogy here. You go to bed and as you are already drifting off, you suddenly remember that you forgot your wallet at a store. Perhaps in that wallet there is a lot of cash, credit cards, ID, baby pictures of your child – so it would really suck to lose it.
In that case, a wave of fear wakes you up in no time because the brain detected danger – losing your possessions.
The same case happens during insomnia but what makes it less obvious is that it seems like there is no reason to wake up, while the brain is trying to protect you from sleeplessness.
Let's continue with the wallet analogy. So you got awakened from your sleep because you are really worried that you lost your wallet. If in that moment someone tells you: relax, just continue sleeping, you will deal with it in the morning – it probably wouldn't help at all! Because suppressing our natural fear instinct in such moments can lead to the intensification of that response.
Same happens with that sort of anxiety waves - when we try to not have them or make them stop, they would keep happening because the brain wants to send us the warning message and we aren't willing to listen to it.
Back to the analogy. So as you feel extremely anxious, you decide to check your coat and bag just in case. And once you open your bag, you see it lying right there. Phew! So you didn’t lose it after all! What happens with your fear in that moment? Well, the fear response instantly goes down because the brain sees that the source of a potential threat is no longer there. And so it will allow sleep to resume without an extra special calming routine.
So in case of a wallet situation, the brain had to make sure it’s safe for anxiety to subside, but what’s going on when we fear losing sleep?
The same thing! The brain needs to see it is safe in order for anxiety to subside.
So the question now is: how can you show the brain that you are safe when that rush happens?
There are a few concepts that can be helpful:
Acknowledge the nature of that experience (awareness). Realize that it is nothing terrible or weird, but a very logical behaviour from the brain that is convinced that it needs to protect you from sleeplessness. When we demystify our experiences, even the least pleasant ones, we might feel a certain level of relief already. "Aha, I know why that happens! It's not weird at all!"
"Receive" the message from the brain. Instead of meeting it with resistance, we can look at it with compassion. As if a close friend shares with us their fears and we want to be there for them without alienating or pushing them away.
Let your brain speak. We can do it in a written form or simply acknowledging that we truly listen: "Thank you, brain, for taking care of me, I really appreciate what you are trying to do. Take your time, I'm alright anyway." In other words, changing our relationship with that experience.
See how you can support yourself during this unpleasant moment. This is where the concept of befriending wakefulness comes in handy. What would make you feel comfy after that awakening? Is it staying in bed and just resting without expectations? Good. Is it doing something nice or non pressuring? Could be. Is it just getting out from bed to change the surroundings for a while? Why not! You are free to respond to that experience however you feel is right.
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Xoxo
Alina
DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.