Hi friend,
Let’s talk about the fear of triggers during insomnia recovery ❤️
But first…
Oops, my bad
Before I dive into today’s topic, I wanted to mention something briefly. One of my long-term supporters on Patreon has asked me about the paid subscription here on Substack and how different it is from my Patreon. My initial idea of turning on the paid option here was to offer a possibility to support my newsletter financially (alternative to Patreon) but keep all posts still available to public, no exclusive content, just a donation-based publication.
But my mistake was that I wasn’t attentive enough, and I missed the fact that Substack automatically added call-to-action text and buttons in the different places, like footers, making it seem like there is an extra content for paid members, which isn’t the case so far. Maybe later I will roll out this format, but not yet. So I wanted to apologize for this confusion ❤️. I’m fixing it wherever possible to communicate clearly the donation basis.
I have two people who became paid subscribers of my newsletter for now, which I am super grateful for! However, if my mistake led to a confusion and you became a paid subscriber specifically to receive extra posts (which I don’t yet create) – first of all, my biggest apology! Please get in touch with me (you can reply to this letter) and I will do a full refund. Thanks a lot for understanding 🙏
Now let’s get back to the topic!
We can encounter triggers in various places and situations. For example, you might be hanging out with friends, and they start casually discussing their sleep, which can make you feel uncomfortable. Or, you may be listening to a wellness podcast, and they mention something about sleep that makes you alert. Watching a movie and seeing a scene with someone in bed can also evoke certain feelings. Triggers can also occur when we re-introduce our pre-insomnia activities and habits.
Sometimes, we may notice a series of coincidences, where we start encountering more sleep-related messages as we go about our day. It's as if the world is trying to convey something to us. However, there's no mystery behind this. Sleep has been a huge topic in our lives for a long time, so it's natural that we're more attuned to it. Any mention of it is going to create some kind of emotional response. Fortunately, this response is common and, most importantly, is possible to overcome.
The way to stop getting triggered, as you may have already guessed, is by embracing and accepting a) the triggers, b) our reactions to them, and c) the possibility of getting triggered in the future. Yes, even the possibility of it as well, because the expectation of a trigger can be just as tormenting, if not more, as the trigger itself.
In my journey, I've discovered that there was no specific moment when I was done processing ALL of my triggers. It's not as if there's a finite number of triggers. Sometimes, we might be surprised by what things can stir emotions in us. It's neither possible nor necessary to process 100% of our fears for recovery (Because how do we know that we’ve process all 100% of them? What are the criteria?). We don't want to turn our lives into a lifelong quest to eliminate every fear. We want to be entirely free, even from the need to protect ourselves from getting triggered. Embracing that triggers are okay, if they happen at any moment in the future, is part of the process.
So, I've found that the journey eventually becomes about opening up to the residual triggers when they arise and meeting them with acceptance, humility, and self-kindness. We face both the trigger AND any potential reaction it may evoke.
This means, for instance, allowing ourselves to be in a group of friends who discuss sleep, allowing ourselves to experience our automatic reactions, and acknowledging the possibility that we might face sleep disturbances as a result. Note that it's only a possibility, not a guarantee that the night will be terrible. Over time and with a willingness to face our triggers, we might start noticing that our nights can still turn out to be quite decent even if we were triggered earlier. And even if some sleeplessness occurs, it's okay, as it's something we've experienced many times before. This, in turn, can help us realize that we don't have to avoid hanging our with friends and be a part of sleep conversations – because sleep can still come despite that! – and the fear surrounding it begins to subside.
So in a way, triggers are the pointers that show the path to freedom. Avoiding them will lead to more trouble, while embracing them helps us get closer to freeing ourselves from fear.
If you found this letter helpful, give it a like ❤️
Take care, my friend!
Definitely helped put so much into perspective! I managed to escape the self-hatred loop by observing my thoughts and allowing them to be, because I care about things and that’s okay! I’m human and giving myself permission to feel everything allowed me to let go of the struggle which is super paradoxical! Thank you, Alina!
Hi Alina! Thank you so much for your newsletter~ I’ve been getting extremely wonderful sleep and found it easier and easier to move away from the struggle. I’m still in the recovery in processing all of my triggers. Especially when I have a particularly busy day the next day (which is the biggest trigger for me). I really want to give myself compassion but end up feeling so angry every time the hyperarousal from the trigger kicks in the night before. It’s so difficult not to get angry at myself every time when I think back before I had insomnia and how “unstoppable” I was before. Then I end up hating myself even more. Any tips on how to get through this?