Unless we are some enlightened beings, our brains always generate thoughts, and in a way, those thoughts are random and automatic.
Random - because we can’t predict what will be the next one. However, that randomness tends to occur in a context: we look at a picture with flowers and the brain generates something random based on what it sees - associations. So it appears not so random.
Automatic - because we never create them (you can meditate on that statement and see for yourself that thoughts appear like in a magic 8 ball, from the “nothingness”).
And (!) we can't just get rid of all thoughts.
So the thought "what will I eat for dinner?" and "what if I don't sleep?" are basically the same in their nature. They come from the subconsciousness and they are destined to be replaced sooner or later with another thought. But why does the second thought brings so much suffering?
When we label some thoughts as "important", they tend to get sticky. We are more sensitive to them and every time they appear, we react with hyperarousal. But what happens when we change that label from "important" back to "automatic"?
The thought is still there, but we acknowledge its automatic nature, we understand why it’s there, how our body reacts to it, and we see it for what it is: a random signal sent by the brain.
So when we do this mental flip and change the label of our thoughts, a beautiful thing happens: we lower the importance of those thoughts and stop solving them - thus returning them their fleeting quality.
And here is the thing: the actual recovery isn't about a guarantee that the thought about sleep will never come to your mind, but that it will no longer get any emotional reaction. As fast as it appears from nothingness, it will disappear there.
The problem isn’t in thoughts.
As someone who is no longer suffering from insomnia, I can say that by currently talking about this topic I also think thoughts about sleep, but it has the same power, if not less, than the thought "what's for dinner tonight?".
I just want to say that it is normal that you find yourself thinking sleep thoughts as you go through insomnia. It’s natural because the main theme for the brain is sleep - and it’s gonna generate a bunch of random/scary/false stuff! And if you have some emotional response to it, just know it is expected part of the journey. Eventually it does fade away and the trauma of it heals meaning that even if in the future the thought appears, it will no longer have power over you.
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DISCLAIMER: Not medical advice. Everything in this newsletter and website represents personal opinion and experience and is provided for informational purposes only. The author is not a medical doctor, psychotherapist or any other licensed professional. Any information provided by the author does not constitute and/or substitute medical, psychotherapy, counselling or any other professional advice and treatment. It is not intended to treat, cure, diagnose any medical or psychological condition or disorder. Always seek professional licensed help if you have any health concerns.
Hey Alina,
This sleep letter really rings close to me. Even though I was doing better for a good while, recently was again pretty rough.
I think my main issue with insomnia has mostly to do with self monitoring thoughts about sleep at night. They are like obsessive thoughts that keep coming. I don't know anymore if they keep coming or I just provoke them in a self-destructive or obsessive-compulsive way. I'm constantly like "Am i falling asleep?" or not even that .. just an aknowledgement about falling asleep that disrupts my falling asleep. When they come I don't neceseraly feel any anxiety, just frustration.
You say that thoughts are automatic and we can't control them. But what if some are not? For example I can choose to create some thoughts like, if I want to think of an elephant I can, or I can think of red and switch it to blue. I feel like these are under my control, isn't it so ?
It's like during the night at some points, the thoughts about falling asleep sometimes aren't involuntary, sometimes I think of them just like I can think about an elephant, and that doesn't help me sleep.
I am still fearful of not sleeping and I am not yet accepting my insomnia , so there is still some sort of battle in my mind probably - maybe this is why I have these thoughts ?