Why we don’t need sleep confidence to sleep

When I was stuck in the insomnia cycle, I felt like I had to become a confident sleeper in order to break it. Sleep confidence seemed like the desired state where I wouldn’t doubt that I could sleep anywhere and anytime. I would just know I was going to sleep and go to bed with that mindset.

It felt like that's what I had before insomnia… But did I really?

After spending months building sleep confidence, I realized that it was always shaky. Once I started sleeping better for a few days, it only took ONE slightly worse night to throw me into the depths of panic.

I kept bumping my head against the wall, trying to find a way to never hesitate about my sleep.

Over time, I started to realize: “Wait a second, what if this is a dead-end road?”

What led me to think this were the occasions when I could be anxious, doubtful, and yet sleep would come nicely. Then there were moments when my confidence was through the roof, and the night was utter rubbish. This didn’t align with my formula: sleep confidence = peaceful sleep.

Then, I started honestly looking at my pre-insomnia sleep—did I actually ever have the sense of “I can and will sleep under any conditions”? I couldn’t find it. I wasn’t worried about sleep back then, but I never perceived myself as sleep-confident. And there were nights when I didn’t sleep well, when I would wake up multiple times, when it would take me ages to fall asleep—and these nights meant nothing about what kind of sleeper I was.

So, what if chasing sleep confidence is like a donkey chasing a carrot? What if it’s another myth my brain created during insomnia to keep me in problem-solving mode? What if my recovery didn’t require me to be confident about sleep?

This was one of the big aha moments on my journey.

I noticed that thinking, “I will sleep anywhere at any time,” felt dishonest because it wasn’t true for me even before insomnia.

But thinking, “I don’t know how I will sleep tonight or in two weeks. I know my body can sleep, but I can’t possibly know how it will sleep tonight. I don’t even need to know that,” felt right and strangely peaceful.

This allowed me to ditch the illusionary concept of sleep confidence and unbind my recovery process from it.

I guess this letter is an invitation to consider your relationship with sleep confidence. To see if it’s been a trap for your journey, just like it was for mine.

“But I do need some sense of security!” you might say.

In that case, let me suggest this: instead of trying to be 100% sure that you will sleep well anytime, anywhere (a type of security unavailable even to the “best” sleepers), look into confidence and trust in your body to do what it needs to do when it needs to do it.

Consider taking the burden of producing sleep off your shoulders and making it your body’s business. After all, you already entrust so many processes to your body: digesting, blood pumping, breathing, etc. Sleep is one of them, too.

Have great day, and see you next time ❤️

Ali